"I WILL BURN DOWN THIS ESTABLISHMENT!"

Who talks like that, really?

*sheepishly raises hand*

I used to.

I remember how reactive I used to be in life.

When I was told that my application for public assistance was lost “and there was nothing anyone could do”, I would resort to things like belittling, yelling at, cursing out, and, shamefully, threats of violence.

I allowed an action to dictate my reaction.

It would be motivated from a place of fear.

If this doesn’t happen, what will I do? 

I would assume the worst.  There WAS no hoping for the best.

I shudder now thinking about how shallow my emotional cup was.

It got so bad, it was to the point that I started hiding out from life to avoid these emotional moments.

Thing about life is that we all have the same types of problems.

It may not be the same set of circumstances, but we have all been in the position where things have not gone according to plan, whether it’s at our own hands or those of someone else’s.

But, I have finally learned some lessons that have enabled me to push through it with my peace intact.

1    1.       Look at obstacles as surmountable building blocks, not permanent blocks in the road.

When you begin to see that conflict is a natural part of life, you do not approach it with trepidation.  You step up to the challenge with a positive attitude, convinced that nothing will prevent you from pushing forward toward your goal.

2    2.       Stay positive.

As cliché as this might sound, whenever there is a breakdown in the system, acting out in emotion is like pour gasoline on a spark.  It might have come and gone easily if you hadn’t added fuel to it, but it turns into a big, old raging, avoidable fire.  I have found that, even in situations where “policy says” or it “can’t” be done, exceptions have been made simply because the person said I was being “good about it”.

3   3.       Do your part.

     The only person that you can control is YOU.  Do all that you  can do to make the situation go smoothly.  Take as much responsibility for the situation as you can by proactively monitoring things.  For instance, I have had situations where documents have been requested of me and I send it, maybe via fax or e-mail and I assume it’s received.  You know what they say about ASSumers.  What I found is that when things would come to a head, anger would surface, which really was only a mask for shame and guilt about not being proactive.

Don’t get me wrong; I still am working on this.

In fact, I expect to be working on this for some time, so this is going in one of MY bookmarks.

But, I am constantly aware of this and make efforts to settle matters the right way, whether it be by talking to the right person, appealing a decision, or going to court.

In this way, it becomes less about emotionalism and more about fairness, justice, and empowerment.

Because one perceived wrong does not justify emotionally abusing a poor soul who simply is doing the job that they are paid to do or what they believe to be right.

So, no, I no longer threaten to burn down establishments.

Instead, I look for a solution that is a win/win solution for all involved.

Best.  Philosophy.  Ever.